There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize