Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
