i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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