Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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