And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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