I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
