Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
