I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
