I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
