I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize