Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
