I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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