Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
