wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
