what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize