Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You should frame my arrest warrant.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize