I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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