I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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