I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
