i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
