Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
