Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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