He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
