Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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