God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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