i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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