I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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