You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
