Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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