I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this will be a night to untag.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
