you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ok first of all what the fuck
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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