so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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