guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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