i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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