Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
