If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
