Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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