She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
soo... how was my night?
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