It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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