Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
