I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
