This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
