I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
