No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
