he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Green mimosas i think yes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
