and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
is it fun? or sober?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
