Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
