I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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