I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
