i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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