that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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