We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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