Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
