Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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