I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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