Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
