jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
