just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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