The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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