I just pynch a tree in the face
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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