If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
