At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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