I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
