1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
