So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
