Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
