My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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