found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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